Music doesn’t solve your problems—it only makes them worse.

Music costs your money, or puts you at risk of being sued for illegal downloading.

Music is a distraction from real life.

Music is the name of a terrible album by Madonna.

Music is the last name of some people who ought to change their last name because, seriously?

Music is all the same. Note, note, note, note, chord, note, whatever.

Music makes you self-conscious about whether you listen to cool music.

Music is something asswads cross-post to Facebook from apps with twee little names like Rdio.

Music doesn’t speak to you. It’s just ones and zeroes.

Music is not poetry. It’s just whatever someone thinks will make someone else want to fuck.